Cherie and Tony Blair
Married for 19 years this March; Cherie in her autobiography Speaking for Myself published last May revealed Tony and her would spend hours talking about God when they were courting and she believed this is what drew them together.

In addition his “very confirmed views on marriage… He genuinely thought that two people could be together for life. Having seen what happened to my mum, it seemed like a wonderful thing to aim for…”

Victoria and David Beckham
In July, the Beckhams celebrate their tenth wedding anniversary. The world-famous footballer has said of his marriage: “People can say what they like. But me and Victoria will always stay together as husband and wife.”

Victoria has said that David is very deep and spiritual and under the tattoo of Victoria’s name on his lower back are the words ‘so that I love and cherish’, written in Latin.

Mel Gibson and Robyn Moore
The couple met in the late 1970s when they were both tenants in the same house in Adelaide. At the time, Robyn was a dental nurse and Mel was an unknown actor.

On June 7, 1980 they married in a Catholic Church in southern Australia. The actor turned film-director of Braveheart and The Passion of Christ has referred to his wife as ‘my Rock of Gibralter, only much prettier’ and has said ‘life is about love and commitment’. The have one daughter, six sons and one grandchild!

It all begins with a proposal. Or does it? What with wedding preparations of my own taking shape for summer 2009 at St Peter’s Italian Church in Clerkenwell, I wanted to find out what were the secrets to a long and happy marriage.
And after reading about the Italian man who was granted an annulment from the Roman Catholic Church after only four months of being wed, on the grounds that ‘his interfering mother-in-law made his life hell’ – I wanted to explore the reasons why many marriages hit the rocks.

Child’s play
After speaking to various people including a marriage counsellor I realise that the foundations for our married lives began when we were children.
Bridie Collins, senior marriage counsellor at Catholic organisation Marriage Care told the Catholic Herald: “How we were cared for does have an impact in our relationship with our partners”.
She explained that as children we witness our parent’s marriage and what we learn from their relationship forms part of our inbuilt operating models.

Dedication
My research revealed that in the secular press there were lots of articles on dating and new romances, even dating while married; but not many on maintaining a marriage for life!
Having just finished the ten-week compulsory marriage course at St Peter’s, I remember the story our priest Padre Carmelo told us of a devoted wife who visited her husband each and every day in hospital despite his zombie-like state. He had suffered a mental break-down due to serious business worries and just sits without acknowledging his loved ones anymore. “That’s true love and dedication,” admired Padre Carmelo.

Friends
Bridie gave other characteristics of the successful marriage: “The ability to adapt and change as the relationship alters is vital. For example, the relationship changes from newlyweds to new parents. You have to accept that it cannot always be ‘my way’ and that compromise is involved.”
Bridie added that friendship and remaining friends throughout the relationship is also important. Also the ability to fight fairly, with respect and trust and without bringing up past issues is very helpful.

Vows
Commitment is another crucial element to the budding marriage. “There’s a lovely saying ‘on a good day I’m committed to you; on a not-so-good day I’m committed to the marriage and on a bad day I’m committed to the vows I made to you’,” Bridie revealed.
Regarding vows, in one lesson during the marriage course, Padre Carmelo asked all us couples to think seriously about the marriage vows we plan to say before God; especially the part ‘in sickness and in health, till death do us part’.

In sickness
A few days after this lesson I interviewed a very sweet lady who unfortunately has MS. She spoke of her deep disappointment with her husband who could not cope with her deteriorating disease and fled the family home, bringing their three teenage children with him! She had to return to her parent’s home where her elderly mother and father do things like cut up her meat for her.

Cry
She told me: “I feel so cheated and rejected by my husband. He has made me so cross. At home I tried the best I could to clean and cook but it got too much and we hired home help. During all this time Graham grew more and more impatient with my clumsiness.
“He continued to shout at me in front of the children and who ever happened to be around when I couldn’t do things. Instead of receiving the love and attention I needed during my illness, Graham has made me feel worse. I often cry.”

Temptation
It was during one of the earlier lessons that Padre Carmelo asked us to get into groups and write down all the different reasons couples divorce. And at the top of each team’s list was infidelity. A few weeks later, my fiance’s parents told us about a friend of theirs who telephoned them in floods of tears because she had just discovered pages and pages of intimate conversation her husband of 15 years had been having via MSN on the family computer with a married woman he had called ‘business partner’!

Caught
Reading through the conversation the mother of two realised that her husband had been having an affair with the woman right under her nose in the family shop.
In the same week my mother had news that a lovely couple we know are having to deal with their son’s separation from his wife.

As time goes by
Apparently he didn’t love his wife anymore and went to live with another woman which the family knows only as Samantha. So two young girls under the age of ten have been left wondering ‘where’s daddy gone?’
Bridie added that all relationships go through tough times and when the romantic, starry-eyed, butterflies-in-the-tummy stage turns to reality couples must work things through, if they do not then problems will occur like growing apart or infidelity or resentment.

One, two, three
However by leaving the relationship when things go wrong and later marrying someone else, Bridie added: “statistics show there are more break-ups in second marriages than first marriages”.
This made me think of John Cleese who is going through his third divorce. He was featured in a newspaper recently because he is one of a growing number of men who is having a hair transplant to cover his balding scalp.

Shouting is communicating
It also made me think of the divorced women featured in a recent Opera Winfrey show who were advocating the Divorce Diet; what these examples screamed to me was ‘why didn’t you make these self improvement changes while you were married?’
Bridie explained why marriages go wrong. “The issues vary but usually it’s down to unresolved conflicts or unmet needs; this leads to distance and not feeling close anymore. In fact at Marriage Care we view it as ‘hopeful’ if we see a couple is still at the shouting stage, at least their communicating” said Bridie.

Spise not Spice!
The marriage counsellor added that we all have needs and these include Social, Physical, Intellectual, Spiritual and Emotional (or SPISE). Bridie said: “The problem is when we look to one person to fill all those needs… one person cannot fill them all for us. For example intellectual needs do not have to be met by our partners, a scientist could be married to hairdresser!”
Bridie revealed the five marriage ‘protector factors’ that One to One, a research organisation with whom Marriage Care works closely, has come up with. These are factors that couples should protect for the survival of their marriage; affection, time together, outside support, sharing feelings and couple identification.

Mirror
This reminded me of a colleague who has been married for five years and said: “Our priest who married us said that the external image we portray to society was just as important as what happens within the relationship.”

1950s
I couldn’t help but wonder, perhaps it is time to look back and take notes on an era when marriages were indeed for life. And many believe the 1950s was the ‘peak years’ for British society; when thoughtfulness for others, decency and strong community ties were nurtured in families.

Pearl
Bridie concluded: “By learning more about each other like when the other needs nurturing and resolving conflicts … it’s like the grit in the oyster that forms the pearl.”
So at the end of it all what I discovered was that the secret to a long and successful marriage was simply… not only enjoying the good times but working through the not-so-good and bad times also.

The day you die; I will die the day afterI will leave you with words my friend’s husband once told her; they, a couple like any other the world over, have had their fair share of ups and downs: “The day you die; I will die the day after.”
This made me think of the Mexican white-fronted parrot which forms a life-long bond with their mate, sharing the responsibility of caring for their young ~ like bereft widowed humans, some parrots will die shortly after their partner does.

Only dry toast to eat and black tea to drink, going bare foot and no sleep – those are the fearsome aspects of the pilgrimage known as Saint Patrick’s Purgatory.
But in overcoming the difficulties of discomfort, a greater spiritual level is experienced by many who venture to Station Island in Lough Derg, situated in County Donegal, Ireland.
It is an isolated place, providing the perfect setting for the pilgrimage, Saint Patrick’s Purgatory. Pilgrims have flocked to the island each summer since the 12th century. And in the first maps of Ireland, the sole Irish landmark was the original cave of Saint Patrick’s Purgatory.
Medieval writings have revealed what people thought at the time; that the cave of Saint Patrick’s Purgatory in Lough Derg would lead the penitent through to purgatory. This made the place famous throughout 12th century Europe and is thought to have inspired Dante’s poem La Divina Commedia.
During this period, Ireland was considered to be at the end of the known world, consequently it was thought to be the pathway to the rest of the world.
Surprisingly, there are no written records of St Patrick ever visiting the island but it is known that the saint, who died in AD493, did find a place for prayer and contemplation during his life and it is believed that Station Island was that place.
The reason why Saint Patrick chose Lough Derg is not clear but the place has had a special quality about it, which dates back to ancient civilizations, much before Christianity.
Others followed in St Patrick’s footsteps and at the end of the 5th century monks had set up a religious community on the nearby Saint’s Island.
The name Lough Derg means “red lake” and according to legend it refers to the blood of the last serpent slain by Saint Patrick, when he rid Ireland of snakes in his attempt to end pagan practice and instill Christianity.
Today Lough Derg attracts over 20,000 pilgrims each year. Passenger ferries go back and fourth each summer, to the furthest island in the lake, Station Island.
Pilgrims come to the island fasting from the midnight before and they remove all footwear on arrival. Nine penitential stations are performed over the three days. Each station involves the repeated silent praying of the Lord’s prayer, the Hail Mary and the Apostles’ Creed, as pilgrims make their way from Saint Patrick’s Basilica to Saint Patrick’s Cross, Saint Brigid’s Cross, around the basilica and then in order around the penitential beds or cells.
Brian Martin, a 21-year-old philosophy student who lives in County Donegal has been on the pilgrimage each year for the past three years. Like many families in Ireland, it is a tradition in Brian’s family of “doing Lough Derg”, as locals have come to describe the pilgrimage.
He said Lough Derg is a place, which gives the individual time-out to consider things, to really think on a deeper level without the distractions of modern life.
This is especially true on the second day, when the pilgrim has been awake for 24 hours and has completed nearly all of the stations of the cross.
“You get an inner stillness that really makes you think about things on a deeper level,” Brian said. He added that during the year things will happen in his life and it makes him think “that’ll be worth thinking about at Logh Derg”.
He mentions how the bonds formed with fellow pilgrims are important too. Brian said: “Everyone there is going through a special internal experience. It’s quite wonderful how groups come together.”
Brian does the pilgrimage with his cousin and admitted that before he went the first time, he was worried about going hungry and being up all night, because he had never experienced those before.
“But while you are there, you do gather an extraordinary strength from other people. Some of the elderly people and have done the pilgrimage as much as 40 times before. So seeing they could do it and that they keep coming back - that gives you strength as well,” Brian concluded.

IN true rock and roll fashion, Ronnie Wood failed to appear at the private viewing of his own exhibition in London last week.

The Rolling Stone, who is as nimble-fingered with a paintbrush as he is with a guitar was rumoured to be undergoing a throat operation.

As the exclusive art-loving crowd sipped wine at Mayfair’s Gallery 27 and mused over Ron’s trademark rock star portraits and newer, animal drawings - whispers circulated concerning the artist’s health.

Paul O’Grady turned up with film crew in tow and told Natasha’s Notebook: “I hope he gets better soon. He’s a lovely man.” Lilly Savage’s alter ego then revealed that Ronnie had once sketched his and Cilla Black’s portrait. But Cilla had put the picture in a book for safe-keeping and has not been able to find it since.

Paul added that Ronnie has a great, down-to-earth family. He has been married to Jo since 1985 and together they have two grown-up children.

The TV presenter and friend of the stars spoke of other un-rock n’ roll traits of the singers of “satisfaction”. Apparently Charlie Watts has always folded his clothes meticulously. Even after wild gigs, the drummer would make sure his outfits were washed and ironed to high standards.

“I’d feel quite intimidated if I didn’t know about the softer sides of these Rock legends,” he added. Paul was at Jilly Cooper’s 70th birthday bash last week where another intimidating personality attended, Jeffrey Archer. “Well the way I dealt with him was just smile and pretend I understood the big words he used.”

Paul spoke of his show on Channel Four, which is back on TV next month and said the secret to its success is his hatred of auto cues. He explained that he prefers to be totally natural in front of the camera and likes to talk on his own accord, especially when interviewing celebrities.

When Paul left the exhibition he smiled for the waiting paparazzi and even posed with a tramp, who had been trying to get in all night for some free booze.

One invitee was overheard saying: “Maybe they should let the tramp in, it’ll liven the place up a bit.” Many guests were surprised at how good the paintings, drawings and sketches were. Ronnie has had exhibitions across the world since the 1980s.

Met Charlie outside South Kensington tube station. The first thing I notice is his nice car. I don’t know why but I was expecting a nippy little Golf or moped. I later discover this is to blend in with fancy cabs picking up celebrities.
Cunning I thought. We drive to Kylie Minogue’s London apartment and Charlie parks-up behind a taxi. Earlier that day the “paps” got tipped off that she was arriving in town, ahead of her New Year’s Eve Show Girl concert at Wembley and they were all there.
The taxi in front was owned by a pap known as Papataxi (or was it cabarazzi) using his black cab as camouflage. Again “how sneaky” I mused. Charlie explains that although being in a car is comfortable, nothing beats the mobility of a moped.
“A pap on a bike already snapped her going in with Martinez but it was too late for us in our cars to get out. He’s already gone to develop them.
They’ll be in all the Sunday’s tomorrow,” he said.
Charlie used to have a bike but it got stolen and burned by joyriders. The reason these men are happy to sit for hours on end outside the homes of stars is because of the money involved.
For that picture of Kylie and her man, the paparazzo probably got a good few thousand pounds, according to Charlie. They were like tigers stalking their prey.
I met another pap who told me that when he is not sleeping he is working on his pictures. I realised that these men have no social lives whatsoever, they are always on the hunt, every night of the week.
Later we tour the restaurants. This is a nightly job and Charlie knows the doormen by name. He pays them all for information on who is inside. “But you can’t pay them too much or they’ll get greedy,” Charlie warns. The Ivy, Zuma, Annabelle’s and Cipriani are all popular haunts. On a bad night when no one is out, touring the theatres can be worth it, especially at this time of year when a few big names are staring in plays. After that it’s the clubs - Met Bar, Embassy and Chinawhites - to name a few.
Charlie is quite philosophical about the job he does. When asked about our country’s huge appetite for celebrity gossip, Charlie says: “Entertainment news suits authority because it diverts attention away from what they are doing.”
That night I learnt that although celebrities shun the prying lens and flashing bulbs of the paparazzo’s camera they also need them to be kept in the public eye.