In this exclusive interview, Susan Schachterle author of The Bitch, The Crone and The Harlot explains why all women should embrace growing older. And for the record, the Bitch is a woman who can make things happen but without visiting devastation on the people and situations around her. The second is the Crone who is a repository for all the wisdom and experience she has won in her earlier struggles. And the Harlot notices every delightful sensory experience who absorbs the beauty around her rather than being distracted by the frantic pace of her youth.

Change is in the air
There is a change happening in society and I do not think us ‘younger women’ quite realise it yet.
You may have noticed stories and pictures in the press of mature women celebrities on the arm of their much younger man.
Madonna, 50, is now dating 22-year-old Jesus. Carol McGiffin from TV show Loose Women is engaged to Mark, 22 years her junior. And of course there are the other famous toy-boy marriages - Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher and Barbara Windor and Scott Mitchell.
What does this tell us?
It tells us that these men are interested in something beyond beauty. Like an apple which is at its juiciest when fully ripe, these men seem to have found something similar in their woman companions.
For Susan Schachterle, author of The Bitch, The Crone and The Harlot, something stirred when she began noticing people referring to her as ‘mam’, a mark of respect in the US. ‘Mam’ was a form of address people used when referring to her mother and grandmother!
Invisible
Susan then noticed the women she counselled and coached were quite negative about reaching the mid point in their lives. “They would say things like ‘I’m getting older I should let the younger women take over’. And ‘people used to notice me and were interested in what I thought and felt, now I just feel invisible,’” Susan told me in the lobby of her hotel in South Kensington recently during her European tour, where she had been researching for her two new books out in the autumn.
Link arms
Susan was shocked because these women all felt they had outlived their usefulness when in fact “they were at a point in their lives when they knew more than they had ever known! They should be giving their gifts of wisdom to the world. Research shows there are well over 100 million of women in the over-40 age bracket across the planet. But because society up until now has said ‘you are no longer attractive’ at this age women have believed it. But this has to change and it can if we all link arms and by doing so we can change the criteria society uses to evaluate a woman.”
From external to internal
Susan went on to explain that during the first half of a woman’s life we are identified by our external factors “who I marry, the house I live in, how much money I have, my friends. However at the mid point we must go within and find our own criteria. It’s an opportunity to begin living a life which is much more internal in focus by finding her wisdom, a personal power.
“And discovering a different kind of sensuality, which means ‘of the senses’. By opening up our senses we take in more information and through our senses we learn. Like noticing that little flower growing in the crack of the sidewalk. We are then more available to ‘joy’ which is a full body experience and not intellectual in nature.”
that ‘je ne sais quoi’
Susan has a presence about her which makes you think ‘wow I want to be like her when I’m older’. She is indeed beautiful but there is that ‘je ne sais quoi’ which has to be due to her understanding the feminine gifts that the world could really do with receiving at the moment. “We are born with gifts of the feminine and at the mid point of a woman’s life ~ they are ‘full blown’.
In her book, The Bitch, the Crone and the Harlot she gives step by step ways of reaching this ‘full blown’ womanhood; which I think if put into motion by all women… should blow the socks off the patriarchy.
Step by step
And here she gives an outline: “The first step a woman can do is change her mindset. She must think ‘I now have more to offer than I ever have in my life’. By living and becoming these agents of change people will start receiving them differently, because they will emit a different kind of energy and so people will react differently. This is what I refer to in the book as power, wisdom, sensuality and awareness.”
Gifts
Susan said that the next step involves women being willing to bring these gifts into the world. “Women carry immense power which is why in some societies women are kept lowly. This is what happens in societies where that power is misunderstood and women are seen as a threat. So they make sure women do not give full exposure to those gifts.”
However Susan believes we can start to bring the full force of those gifts to the world. “I firmly believe that women are natural leaders and natural healers. Look at all those single-parent families headed by women or support groups. I believe firmly when women choose to remember who they really are and bring their gifts into the world they become agents of healing.”
Some issues just come naturally to a woman
She goes on to explain that women would handle certain global issues much better than how they are currently operating. A woman, mindful of her healing gifts would never use political action or military force to resolve a conflict according to Susan. And issues such as homelessness, poverty, hunger, war, ecological and climate change, abuse on women and children would be better handled by someone aware of the gifts of the feminine, which is something that comes natural to all women.
Lovely phrases
Susan adds: “To begin this healing process we must start by beginning to remind ourselves who we are and access those gifts in ourselves.” Susan shares a prophecy by the Hopi Native American Tribe: “When grandmothers speak the earth will be healed”. She explains this is because the feminine energy is a healing energy.
In addition she gives the Ethiopian proverb: “When spider webs join together they can tie up a lion”.
Sisters are doing it for themselves
In her book Susan gives a number of examples of women who have individually changed countless lives because they refused to sit back comfortably and say ‘someone should do something’. “Women must give up the old message ‘you are no longer valuable’ and take heed from women such as Madonna, Carol McGiffin, Demi Moore and Barbara Windsor… their men know the worth of a ripened women. I think it is time our mothers and grandmothers do the same. Because you know what? We younger women will one day be in their well travelled shoes… Isn’t it great we have a head start?
Susan’s next two books, out at the end 2009
a) Ripened Women, women of a certain age changing the world and how you can too
b) Women as Leaders, Women as Healers
And her current book can be bought at: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Bitch-Crone-Harlot-Reclaiming-Feminine/dp/1600700187/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1237330503&sr=1-1

Natasha’s Notebook talks to a mother-of-three with a sad tale to tell…

It all began six months after Mathew was born, I was 34-years-old and I started to get pins and needles in one of my legs.
To be on the safe side I went to my doctor to get it checked out but nothing of any significance was diagnosed. I was told to keep a diary of when the pins and needles occurred.
Growing brood
The years rolled by and I threw myself into motherhood. Mathew, who is now 13, was the youngest of three and I thoroughly enjoyed taking care of my growing brood.
Sarah and Catherine were lovely girls and my husband and I both worked hard to ensure we had the financial security to look after our children.
I was a teacher in a Prep school to nine and ten year olds; any older than this and they tended to be taller than me and this was a ‘no-no’ in my book!
In the beginning
I had also loved being pregnant with my children. Sarah, my first child was 8lbs when she was born, Catherine was 6lbs and Mathew 7lbs. Despite being a petite woman, I ended up having a 49 inch waist at my very biggest!
Graham was a good husband to start off with. I remember when he proposed to me, it was by a lake which shared my name. He asked: “Shall we formalise it?”
I was young and so in love with this man who liked to spend all his spare time with me and so I said ‘yes’. However never in a million years could I have imagined what marriage had in store for me.
Reality
Graham had a strong bond with his mother, whom in later years I nicked-named ‘the wicked witch’. When our first girl was born, the first thing his mother said was ‘shame it wasn’t a boy’. She said the same thing when our second girl was born. Girls are second-class citizens in his familys’ eyes!
I nick-named his father ‘post-box’, because lots of information went in but nothing came out.
They all dote on Peter, Graham’s younger brother who served in the Army and still keeps his uniform on display as a sort of memento.
Health problems
By the time Mathew turned ten my health started to deteriorate. I began to loose my balance on a regular basis. I would fall or trip over easily. I generally felt clumsy.
My doctor referred me to a neurologist and I had an MI scan. The scan confirmed I had Multiple Sclerosis. Soon after that, I was told I was not allowed to drive anymore and this led to me having to quit my job.
However this was just as well because the children at the school I was at and in particular the class I taught were aggressive. Together with my worsening condition it was getting unbearable.
Worse and worse
At home I tried the best I could to clean and cook but it got too much and we hired home help. During all this time Graham grew more and more impatient with my clumsiness.
He continues to shout at me in front of the children and who ever happens to be around when I can’t do things. Instead of receiving the love and attention I need during my illness, Graham has made me feel worse. I often cry.
I have tried to reason with him: “I did not choose to get MS. I didn’t behave irresponsibly so as to contribute to my current condition. I just got it!” But to no avail. Graham continued to treat me harshly. It was as though he couldn’t cope with seeing his once-capable wife turn into a needy victim of this muscle-deteriorating disease.
So cheated
I feel so cheated and rejected by him. He has made me so cross. In our marriage vows we made to one another it says ‘to love and cherish each other in sickness and in health’ but I don’t think Graham could have ever imaged this would happen to me.
Graham belongs to the Freemasons and one of their beliefs is to stick together, and he has had no trouble with that. Yet to stick with his wife during the bad times was too much.
Parents to the rescue
Anyway, things got too much and I had to move in with my elderly parents because I was getting no help at home. It was as though this illness was my fault. Graham took the kids to live near his parents. I live with my parents now and I do not see my children as often as I would like.
I have recently had a bout of physiotherapy which really helped my condition. One woman at the centre where I had my treatment is quite crippled with MS, yet her husband visited her day in and day out. And I thought sadly ‘why couldn’t my Graham be like him’.
Life goes on
I find many things too tiring, even cutting up my meat, which my 79-year-old father does for me. I used to love dancing when I was young, now I have my tapestry when I feel up to it and I sometimes listen to audio books.
I often reminisce and remember how I taught Mathew how to ride a bike; that was during the early stages of my MS. It’s important that children learn how to swim and ride a bike.
Hope?
Did I tell you I have only been on one holiday in my life? That was to Cyprus and Egypt on our honeymoon. I don’t know what the future holds but I do know this: I know that my second daughter Catherine often asks ‘what is daddy doing? The way he treats mummy is so bad’. So I know my children are good people who will not make others cross the way their father has made me!

Cold Christmas
One icy Christmas my friend Briguette had just finished getting ready for the office party and had left her place of work to make tracks for the venue.
Under her winter coat, she was dressed in her favourite Chinese-themed dress, teamed together with a nice pair of heels.
Now, as she left the building, unfortunately Briguette slipped on the marble floor and went sliding across the entrance right in the path of fairly short man who grabbed onto her boobs to steady himself and stop Briguette from falling!
They went sliding in this fashion for a good few moments before things came to a dramatic freeze and they both fell on their bottoms.
The man apologised profusely and asked if Briguette was alright. When he saw that she was fine, he continued on his way. Briguette dusted herself down, straightened her hair and grabbed her bags.
Once at the venue Briguette took a glass of orange juice and went to say hello to her boss and other colleagues.
However as the evening went on, Briguette noticed that she felt a bit strange down there in fact, she felt numb!
So she went to the Ladies to investigate. As she pulled down her underwear a huge lump of ice fell to the ground! Now that’s what I call an icy reception!

Petty Coat Lane
My same friend Briguette was on her way to work one day and was waiting at the bus stop. As she glanced in the direction of where the bus would be coming from, she noticed that a guy who was also waiting at the bus stop kept looking over to her and smiled to himself!
At first she thought maybe he knew her from somewhere but he didn’t look familiar, so Briguette continued waiting for her bus.
When he didn’t stop peeping a look she thought perhaps something was wrong with how she was dressed, so she glimpsed down at herself and sure enough, for all the world to see ~ her petty coat had fallen to her ankles!
So, Briguette did what any self-respecting woman would do; she stepped out of the scrunched-up petty coat and flicked it away from her with her foot. The bus came, Briguette and the laughing man got on and she forgot about the incident if only to lament that she would never again see the petty coat her grand mother had given her.
Later that day, on her way home, as the bus went past the bus stop that Briguette had stood at earlier, she looked to see if her petty coat was still there and it was! All sorry-looking and soiled from the rain!

Two can play that game
At my parent’s Italian restaurant one packed lunchtime the door opened to reveal a scruffily-dressed man. As diners glanced at him making his way to the bar where my mother stood drying spoons he stopped and aggressively glared at her!
He then pointed to what my mum had in her hands and asked: “What’s that?!” My mother, a little nervous at this point, answered shakily: “It’s a sp..spoon!”
My father, in the near-by kitchen could tell something was up because the room had quietened down and sure enough as he made his way to the bar he saw all eyes were on his wife and this dishevelled visitor.
So my quick-thinking dad barged in. He said to the man: “He came here looking for you! He’s now gone! But I know where he is. Follow me.”
My dad took this guy by the fore arm to the front door. My dad pointed to the far off bus stop. “He’s waiting for you at that bus stop over there. You had better go and find him!”
Sure enough the man made off, probably thinking to himself: “That man is MAD!”