Real people, Real events, Retold by someone who was there… …
The five of them arrived on a Saturday. As their hire-car roared up the drive, they were stunned by their surroundings. Curvy, country lanes with fields covering the landscape for as far as the eye could see.
All five were looking forward to a week of sun, horses, home-cooked food and above all - relaxation.
The stone, farmhouse was cute with its courtyard and back-terrace. The kitchen had views overlooking the pool and more fields with scattered, five-foot high hay-bales. The living room was cosy with its fireplace and rustic furniture.
The guys followed
After unpacking the five thought they would take full advantage of the sunshine. The girls put on their bikini’s and headed for the pool. The guys followed.
The afternoon was spent sunbathing. Soon afterwards Greg and his girlfriend Mary arrived. The twins were overjoyed because one of their favourite university mates was going to be sharing a few days with them in the South of France, outside Toulouse in this gorgeous, 18th century farmhouse.
Not forgetting Ralph
That night they all ate outside on the terrace, while they caught up with what was happening in each others’ lives. As midnight approached Nick, the owner of the farmhouse, cracked-open a bottle of champagne because it was Ralph’s 30th birthday.
So the twins (Jay Lo and Sandra) along with Danny, Sandra’s boyfriend, Greg and Mary, Natasha and not forgetting Ralph… took their champagne flutes and walked towards the pool, across the grassy field.
Goodbye Rolling Stones, hello Rolling Hay-bales
“Hey, I’ve gotta great idea! I quite fancy pushing this hay-bale down the hill,” exclaimed Greg. So together with the other guys in the group – he did!
The starry night did nothing to light-up the area. The only way the gang knew what was going-on, was by listening to the sound of the rolling hay- bale, picking up speed as it rolled-along down… until it hit something hard.
“It’s hit a fence,” said Danny. So in high spirits they went to bed. The following day, Sandra went off bright and early for a horse-riding lesson, while the others went for a coffee in Alban, a nearby town.
Danny asked for a cappuccino but was given an espresso. But his polite, English upbringing prevented him from making a fuss.
Castle
In the afternoon they decided to walk to a nearby castle, which Nick part-owned. It was perched on a hill in the distance and looked enchanting. Ten minutes into the walk Jay Lo’s foot started playing-up (she had broken a month earlier) and so the girls accompanied her back and they decided to take the car to the castle instead. The guys continued the walk through streams and forests. However when they got there it was all fenced off.
Dr Evil
That night back in the house, Marie-Christine served them her usual four-course meal inside because it was chilly. It was then, that the gang met the other guests who would be sharing dinner with them each night for the rest of their holiday.
Dr Evil and his family of evil doctors (his wife and his daughter were also doctors). “Good evening, you know this place really reminds m of our holiday in Madagascar, do you remember pet?..”
From that night on, the seven 30-somethings would have to sit through tales of the unexpected as Dr Evil bored the living day-lights out of them.
Big Bad Bob
But Greg was having none of it. He began to tell the dinner party about Sandra’s rendez-vous avec Nick’s chien. “Big Bob pounced on Sandra’s back today and began humping with a view of relieving himself, it would seem!” he told the group.
It had happened when the boys decided to investigate the previous night’s damage, when Greg pushed the hay-bale, causing it to roll down the sloping field. Contrary to belief, it hadn’t hit a fence but a tree.
The girls watched-on, as the guys attempted to push the bale of hay away from the tree and back up the hill. It was tough.
Now apparently, because Big Bob the French dog had been witness to local children getting told-off for messing around with hay, he got all excited and began humping the first thing that got in his way… and in this case it was poor Sandra.
That story soon stunned the icy Evils into silence. Greg’s cunning plan had worked.
Crosses
The following day the gang headed for the cathedral town of Albi. This was a bigger town than Alban, with lots of shops. But being a Monday morning – they were all shut.
The seven wondered around the Cathedral of St Cecile and some lit a candle. The gothic exterior reminded Jay Lo of Barcelona’s famous cathedral.
They learnt that the cathedral was home to gigantic mural depicting the last judgement, which was painted by unknown Flemish artists in around 1477. They ate pizza in a piazza, which reminded Natty (Natasha’s nick name) of Rome. However Natty was soon christened with the new nickname of Ratty after developing flu-like symptoms. From then on she began her love affair with French pharmacies. Wherever they went in their hire-car, that green flashing cross became her saviour.
Cheese and tampons
That night it was Greg and Mary’s last night. The twins couldn’t help laughing at the dinner table when they told everyone how Greg got impatient while following Danny in the car on the way to Albany that day. A little, old lady crossing the road was taking her time. Jay Lo continued: “The only thing the old lady must have seen staring back at her from our car was Greg’s white face, almost touching the windscreen shouting ‘allez! hurry up and go buy your cheese and tampons’!”
Hole-in-the-ground toilets
Another story which got them giggling was their experience at a bar in Alban the previous afternoon. Because they had a number of hours to kill, the seven had a couple of beers at bar in the nearby town of Alban. However, they were amused when Sandra came back from ‘the ladies room’ looking paler than she did after the whole Bob-gate affair.
“There’s no toilet. You’ve got to do it on the floor, in a hole,” she said frowning. Not even the bar’s manky cat, which purred its way up to Sammy could cheer her up.
Engagement
Towards the end of the meal that Monday night, the final evening in the farmhouse for Greg and Mary, the racism row erupted. Mary thought she heard Dr Evil’s wife mummer something anti-complimentary about Egyptians.
When Greg saw his girlfriend of six-years upset, he went over to the ‘culprit’ and asked her to apologise to his girl friend. Dr Evil’s wife refused, because as far as she was concerned, she had been speaking to her daughter.
Then quite unexpectantly, about ten minutes after the incident, which wasn’t too dissimilar to the big brother racism row, Geoff announced his engagement to Mary.
He had proposed the night before arriving at the farmhouse but the married-couple-to-be didn’t want to overshadow Ralph’s 30th birthday by telling everyone when they got there.
By Tuesday morning Greg and Mary had left, with hang-overs no doubt because for the second time in two days Nick dug out from the cellar, a bottle of champagne to celebrate the engagement.
“Do you mind frozen croque monsieurs?”
It rained for the rest of that day. So the original five decided to visit the cute town of Ambialet, which was perched either side of the River Tarn.
Once there, they crossed the bridge and found a petite little place where they ordered some food. A little lady emerged from the empty café and gave the biggest smile the group had ever seen.
“I can tell you what we have,” she attempted. And as soon as they heard ‘croque monsieurs’, they made it clear with gestures that was what they wanted.
The lady went away and a few moments later she returned asking: “Do you mind frozen croque monsieurs?”

I have just returned from a trip to the Tarn Valley. Please stay tuned to read my holiday memoirs which will appear in due course. Nat x

THE courage displayed by a group of Calabrian teenagers in challenging one the world’s most lucrative and dangerous mafia gangs has inspired an Italian TV star to write a book about their bravery.
Michele Cucuzza presents La Vita in Diretta on Rai Uno and his new book is called “Ma il Cielo e’ Sempre Piu’ Blu”. It talks about the notorious Calabrian mafia known as the ‘Ndrangheta, giving the youngsters a platform to vent their fury.
The Calabrian crime syndicate is thought to be bigger than Sicily’s Cosa Nostra and is responsible for making Calabria - Europe’s biggest drug trafficking ground.
Anger
Anger amongst locals reached boiling point in October 2005 when Francesco Fortugno, 54, vice president of the regional assembly was shot five times as he stood in line to vote in the mob-ridden town of Locri. The murder was thought to be a warning by the ‘Ndrangheta that no one was safe, particularly politicians like Fortugno who had ideas about changing the status quo.
A couple of weeks after the killing, thousands of youngsters from as far as Milan joined their Calabrian peers in a rally in Locri and stood behind a giant banner reading: (E Adesso Ammazzateci Tutti) “And now kill us all”.
“This was a direct challenge to the ‘Ndrangheta,” said Aldo Pecora, a 20-year-old law student who features in Cucuzza’s book. Mr Pecora, who wants to be a judge one-day, was instrumental in the protest march, which followed Fortugno’s death. He was the one who thought of the courageous “kill us all” banner-slogan.
He added: “This is our SOS to Italy and the world. The honest people living here are fighting a silent war. Calabria is no different to Afghanistan and Lebanon and this civil war is happening across the south. It’s happening in Sicily, Puglia, Bari and Campania.”
Unsolved murders
According to statistics, 32 murders remain unsolved in Calabria since the beginning of 2005 and this is something Mr Pecora has a problem with. “This is an emergency. If the 32 deaths all happened in one day, it would be classed as a massacre,” he said.
Mr Pecora would like the state of Italy to send honest magistrates, judges, police and politicians but the law-abiding, like Fortugno, live a riskier life in Calabria.
The answer according to Mr Pecora is to begin by changing the mentality of “raccomandazione” which is commonplace in Italy’s south. This is the culture of “recommendation”, which guarantees someone benefiting from something over another person.
“Racommendazione”
Mr Pecora gave a few examples: “If you have a relative working in the local hospital you can be sure you’ll have a bed. Or if you know the fruit and vegetable vendor, then instead of waiting to be served you can just drive up to the shop or stall in your car for example and be assured special treatment. It just encourages this bad behaviour.”
Cucuzza
Mr Cucuzza went back to his street reporting days and spent last summer in Locri to interview the teenagers. He said: “I thought they were so unbelievably courageous and decided that I had to do something. So that’s when I got the idea of meeting them and of writing this book to make their voice heard.”
He added: “It’s a very, very serious problem and the youngsters hope to win this fight against the mafia. They are like any other group of Italian youngsters but all they want, is to live in a secure and safe land without the ‘Ndrangheta.
“They don’t want to leave their home in order to find work but that is the situation. In Locri almost every teenager has left to study at a northern Italian University. But they would love to stay and build their future in the place where they were children.”
Brave
Another brave person featured in Cucuzza’s book is Maria Grazia Lagana’, Fortugno’s widow. Ms Lagana’ is a deputy for the republic of Italy within the country’s Margherita and Ulivo party and she agrees that it is dangerous being a politician in Calabria, especially if you want to fight corruption.
But she doesn’t want to give up the battle and give-in to the ‘Ndrangheta. She thinks the fight must go on, with means given by the Government. “It’s a big halt to the economy,” she added. Despite being robbed of her husband and having to watch her two children, Giuseppe, 24 and Anna, 19 pained with loss, Lagana’ still has hope for the future. “I really hope one day democracy will prevail in Calabria and illegal goings-on are stamped out,” she said. She praised her husband in his role as a father and described him as being very close to his children, who loved him very much.
Progress
In March 2006, nine people were arrested in connection with the Fortugno crime including the suspected killer. In June, a father and son who both worked in a Calabrian hospital were arrested, believed to have ordered the killing.
Mr Pecora and his companions who form part of the protest group have set up a website www.ammazzatecitutti.org which displays the names of all those killed by various mafia factions since 1893.
Ma il Cielo e’ Sempre Piu’ Blu can be bought from the following web-sites www.ibs.it or www.bol.it